This time around I thought I’d document a little of the process that goes into these competitions. I get so many questions from everyone about my diet and work outs, so for those of you who are curious, I’ll keep you posted on some of the steps as I go.
Today marks 10 weeks and 4 days until stage. (I am doing two shows in April: the first is on April 12th, the second on April 26th)
Up until now, I have been maintaining a high protein diet, lifting 6 days a week and getting them gains son! (<—simplest way to explain off-season life)
Here are some tips if you’re at week 10:
Get your pasty butt to the tanning bed. But SKIN CANCER, AUDRA! I know, I know, but you do this for 3 months out of the year, and you don’t need to tan your face really. You can look mediocre your entire life (pale when your young, not quite so wrinkly when you’re old) or you can look fabulous for a brief period of time. Seize the moment, right? The point is to build up a base tan for your future spray tan. Because bodybuilders believe you should tan your tan. And then glaze it. And then put it in a tiny outfit. The closer you look to a browned tight sweaty sausage, the better.
Now is the time to start looking for a suit in case you might need alterations. Contemplate your small smushed man pecs and devise a plan to make them look like the awesome pamela anderson rocks you’ll be up against on stage. Consider this when you search for your suit, and try out different socks in your bra to make yourself feel better about your slowly shrinking endowment.
Now, I was never one for sparkles and pageantry, but these shows do something to you! Instead of becoming a testosterone filled man-woman, I now find myself attracted to all things shiny and bright, spend money on my hair, and appreciate a good manicure! Teenage Audra and Avril Lavigne would be so disappointed in me. I have one picked out, but I like to keep the element of surprise, so no photos yet!
6 days a week of heavy lifting. Lift like a massive power lifter because you will NEVER LOOK LIKE THAT AS A GIRL WITH OUT STEROIDS OR YEARS OF PERFECT EATING AND TRAINING. Reach for the stars! If you fall short, you’ll at least look less like a sack of flour trying to do crunches.
My coach has me doing cardio, but we’re wading into that pool of droning monotony slowly, starting at 20 minutes 5 days a week for now.
Here’s where your life really changes! I have less body fat that has to go than last time, but more than your average stick figure.
My coach has written out my diet, which I won’t post, because I pay for that shit and you should too. But it is a macro-nutrient based guideline involving 150 g of protein a day, vegetables, and a cycling of clean carbs and fats, depending on my work out that day or maybe just her cruel whims. I’m sure she has some science behind it too… something about carb cycling, a degree in kinesiology, and winning a butt-load of shows already.
Eating clean, when done correctly, isn’t that bad. It just takes a lot of prep, and a little less socializing. AKA no alcohol!
Throw out all the chocolate chips in your cabinet and never buy Trader Joe’s Cookie Butter ever again- sometimes it’s better not to know. Be warned that very soon, foods that would never tempt you now (like a bag of powdered sugar or a box of uncooked rice noodles) are about to seem like a delicious idea in which to stick your fingers in a month or so. So throw it all out or give it to your poor college friends. College students LOVE bad carbs!
Temptation is everywhere! And even your friends who support you won’t understand what you’re doing and why you’re doing it and may try to encourage you to cheat, or skip a work out, or not get any better looking than them. Stay strong! I could post more on that, but there are a thousand blogs right now ranting about how nobody understands the hard life of a bikini competitor and the trials she faces against the instant gratification society, so I’ll spare you and just let you google that if that’s what you’re looking for.
NO EXCUSES EVER! I just did a 1 hour body weight leg work out in my living room because the gym was closed because of snow. If you want it bad enough, you will eat that luke warm dried out unseasoned chicken in your car on the way to work. Treat it like you’re a pro, even if you’re not! Think like an athlete! Do you think Serena Williams or Jay Cutler or Usain Bolt ever skip a work out because they just don’t feel like it? Do you think they get wasted every friday night? NO. And that’s how you train. Like you’re trying to catch Usain Bolt. Yeuuuuh!
I’ll keep you posted on any updates! Thanks for reading ya’ll!