‘TIS THE SHREDDING SEASON!!!!-10 weeks out

This time around I thought I’d document a little of the process that goes into these competitions. I get so many questions from everyone about my diet and work outs, so for those of you who are curious, I’ll keep you posted on some of the steps as I go.

Today marks 10 weeks and 4 days until stage. (I am doing two shows in April: the first is on April 12th, the second on April 26th)

Up until now, I have been maintaining a high protein diet, lifting 6 days a week and getting them gains son! (<—simplest way to explain off-season life)
Here are some tips if you’re at week 10:
Get your pasty butt to the tanning bed. But SKIN CANCER, AUDRA! I know, I know, but you do this for 3 months out of the year, and you don’t need to tan your face really. You can look mediocre your entire life (pale when your young, not quite so wrinkly when you’re old) or you can look fabulous for a brief period of time. Seize the moment, right? The point is to build up a base tan for your future spray tan. Because bodybuilders believe you should tan your tan. And then glaze it. And then put it in a tiny outfit. The closer you look to a browned tight sweaty sausage, the better.
Now is the time to start looking for a suit in case you might need alterations. Contemplate your small smushed man pecs and devise a plan to make them look like the awesome pamela anderson rocks you’ll be up against on stage. Consider this when you search for your suit, and try out different socks in your bra to make yourself feel better about your slowly shrinking endowment.
Now, I was never one for sparkles and pageantry, but these shows do something to you! Instead of becoming a testosterone filled man-woman, I now find myself attracted to all things shiny and bright, spend money on my hair, and appreciate a good manicure! Teenage Audra and Avril Lavigne would be so disappointed in me. I have one picked out, but I like to keep the element of surprise, so no photos yet!
6 days a week of heavy lifting. Lift like a massive power lifter because you will NEVER LOOK LIKE THAT AS A GIRL WITH OUT STEROIDS OR YEARS OF PERFECT EATING AND TRAINING. Reach for the stars! If you fall short, you’ll at least look less like a sack of flour trying to do crunches.
My coach has me doing cardio, but we’re wading into that pool of droning monotony slowly, starting at 20 minutes 5 days a week for now.
Here’s where your life really changes! I have less body fat that has to go than last time, but more than your average stick figure.
My coach has written out my diet, which I won’t post, because I pay for that shit and you should too. But it is a macro-nutrient based guideline involving 150 g of protein a day, vegetables, and a cycling of clean carbs and fats, depending on my work out that day or maybe just her cruel whims. I’m sure she has some science behind it too… something about carb cycling, a degree in kinesiology, and winning a butt-load of shows already.
Eating clean, when done correctly, isn’t that bad. It just takes a lot of prep, and a little less socializing. AKA no alcohol!
Throw out all the chocolate chips in your cabinet and never buy Trader Joe’s Cookie Butter ever again- sometimes it’s better not to know. Be warned that very soon, foods that would never tempt you now (like a bag of powdered sugar or a box of uncooked rice noodles) are about to seem like a delicious idea in which to stick your fingers in a month or so. So throw it all out or give it to your poor college friends. College students LOVE bad carbs!
Temptation is everywhere! And even your friends who support you won’t understand what you’re doing and why you’re doing it and may try to encourage you to cheat, or skip a work out, or not get any better looking than them. Stay strong! I could post more on that, but there are a thousand blogs right now ranting about how nobody understands the hard life of a bikini competitor and the trials she faces against the instant gratification society, so I’ll spare you and just let you google that if that’s what you’re looking for.
NO EXCUSES EVER! I just did a 1 hour body weight leg work out in my living room because the gym was closed because of snow. If you want it bad enough, you will eat that luke warm dried out unseasoned chicken in your car on the way to work. Treat it like you’re a pro, even if you’re not! Think like an athlete! Do you think Serena Williams or Jay Cutler or Usain Bolt ever skip a work out because they just don’t feel like it? Do you think they get wasted every friday night? NO. And that’s how you train. Like you’re trying to catch Usain Bolt. Yeuuuuh!
I’ll keep you posted on any updates! Thanks for reading ya’ll!
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Free time in my brain space

I never cease to be fascinated by the normal. That’s why I love Facebook. The drama and the relationship status changes isn’t what I crave to know about people like most social media gawkers. People, strangers even, want to tell you that stuff all day. It’s the secret stuff people fill their gaps with that I want to see. It’s the conversations you have in the mirror or the tv shows you watch on your day off instead of doing laundry. It’s the thoughts that go through your head when you open the fridge. I want to see your world. Your world is not your new job title or your break ups or your vacation bikini. Your life is that quiet boring buzzing stream of consciousness that plays constantly over top of the other junk. That’s what I want to see. That’s why I scan your photos, wondering what collaboration of seemingly unimportant events led to that outfit choice or your dinner you took a grainy tinted photo of. I want to know why you’re the weight you are. I’m not excited about you getting fat as much as I want to know why you got fat. Was it all at once or nights of lonely bars of chocolate that caught up with you? Or how you stay skinny? Nights of staying busy, forgetting to feed yourself because you get distracted, or you can’t cook, or you have no one eat with or no money? Why do you have no money? Why are you rich? Is your intelligence so high that you’re paid more than your neighbor to sit at your desk and play solitaire between visits from your boss asking for assignments? Or so high that you know exactly how to make friends with the right people while you wear the right clothes that you secretly bought on sale at TJ Maxx or borrowed from your roommate? How do you handle unemployment? Do you like it? Do you leave your house and job search or just prowl it, like a hungry tiger waiting for a crumb to fall so you can lysol it up in your high heels and apron. Or do you just stay in bed for half of the day and eat one unapproved meal that takes your stomach and heart years to digest or burn off.

I never have this much time off (2 days in a row). So I indulge in it. Do people indulge in it less as they get more of it? I am so curious what other people do with this coveted free time. I’ve never been unemployed. There was a brief period of time I didn’t work in college. But I still went to school and couldn’t stay away from work, so I ended up begging for my old job back. The rest of my life since I was 17, I’ve gone from job to job.

Heaven forbid I be interested in something that didn’t somehow circle back to me and discovering myself. We could go into how free time terrified me up until a year or so ago, or how I wasted a year in New York on Netflix and complaining about not having clients and hating my body. Or how I think my primal desires kick in when I realize I have no time at home typically, so I binge in the luxury of it all at once until I hate it. We could discuss how people who hate being alone often derive their energy from other people, or how that is just an excuse to cover up how I’m just not ok with being friends with my own self. Or we could just flip through more Facebook photos and keep ourselves distracted.

Why does free time fascinate me so much? What does it vex me so much? No one can make relaxing more stressful than me. I scare the crap out of anyone who can call themselves “chill”. Go f*** yourself, calm, boring, unemployed world. You can keep your peace and meditation. Have you seen how much stuff I get done?

This is healthy, right?

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Show update and conclusion!

 backstage back 2

Ok! It’s been a little while since I updated and never followed up after the show!

I got third in my class, which was good for my first time, but it was out of 4. It’s hard to compete with silicon though, and it was my first show, so I’m not going to be too hard on myself. It’s all about bettering yourself and what you’ve accomplished.

Here’s the link to the night show: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAcoLr3EKVM

It seems like I was lean enough (some people told me I was too lean, but I don’t know that I agree), but next time, would like a bit fuller muscles (stealing those words from my coach).

Originally, I had planned on doing a show in August, but I think I’m going to re-stablize to normal eating, as well as trying to put on a little more muscle. I need a break from the strict lifestyle and am excited to socialize and diverge off my 2-a-day schedule. Until the next show, which should be further into fall, I will continue to prep my meals for work and try to maintain my weight and lift heavy.

Overall, though, it was an extremely rewarding and fun experience! I met a lot of cool people at the show and learned about discipline in ways I had never imagined.

I will keep you updated on the next show and look forward to growing and changing again!

Here’s some photos from the show:

Back side
Message me for weight loss coaching and training rates!
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Update photos: 2 weeks

As promised, here are my latest update photos! I feel like I’m baring all here on the Internet, but I suppose I’m getting on a stage in even smaller bottoms and then my photos will be blasted places I didn’t know exist yet, so I should get over that. I’m tired and sore and hungry, but I’m proud of how far I’ve come! 18 pounds and counting! Be excited ya’ll!

I put my “before” pic at the bottom from December.


Before photo from February 2012


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6 pack was visible the morning! Like a definable count ’em 6-pack! My next update photos will come on Sunday, at my two week mark!

Sorry to plug for a second, but I’ve had a lot of requests for diet/exercise coaching lately. I’m  making diet/work out plans for people through email/phone with accountability and motivation. Message me if you would be interested in getting in shape and losing some weight! It’s bikini season y’all!

My rate is $40/week for customized diet and exercise plans (which is a pretty good rate considering the average training session is $60 an hour here in Asheville!). You don’t need to have a gym membership, although it helps! Contact me for more info!

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Getting there! 3.5 weeks

Getting there! 3.5 weeks

We’re getting there! I don’t know if you can see the differences in the photo, but I’m at 138lbs!

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Um, so I needed to know what my back looked like….

Um, so I needed to know what my back looked like....

… So I took a photo and was pleasantly surprised.

I know I said I’m holding off on photos until we’re closer. But this is just my back.

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